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"I want to find a significant other"
—— The status of mate selection of young people with mild mental retardation
By the end of 2022, the number of mentally disabilities worldwide was 193 million. The number of people with intellectual disabilities in China is 14.499 million, and the people with mild intellectual disabilities are a special group. Physical defects and social discrimination make them encounter serious mate selection difficulties, leading to low self-efficacy of people with mild intellectual disabilities, which is not conducive to their physical and mental development. In fact, the intellectual level of disabled people with mild intellectual disabilities is enough to have a basic understanding of their own marriage and love, and the Civil Code of China does not limit the marriage of young people with mild intellectual disabilities.
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Yifan Mo admired theo ginkgo tree in the community.Taken on January 2025.Hangzhou
PHOTO/ Pinpin Shen
"I want to find a girl who can communicate to me and take care of me."Four level mental retardation youth Mo Yifan said.
Mo Yifan is 36 years old this year, was born due to premature birth caused all aspects of developmental delay, was diagnosed as cerebral palsy, in the growth process because of limited development, a hand a foot nerve dysplasia, resulting in a certain physical disability. However, compared with other mentally handicapped youth,his language expression ability and daily living skills are both above average. Family conditions and social security income are also relatively stable. Therefore,
both his parents and he hope to get married and have children as soon as possible, just like normal people.
Note:
According to the Chinese national standard "Classification and Grading of Disabilities for Persons with Intellectual Disabilities" (GB/T 26341-2010), the fourth level of intellectual disability refers to individuals with an IQ range of 50—75, who can live independently, undertake general household chores or work, but lack skills and creativity. With special education, they can acquire certain reading and computational abilities.
He has had three blind dates. The first blind date is like a girl with mild autism. The second paragraph is for a girl with a speech disorder. Because I hope that my future partner can communicate more with me and have common hobbies, so the first two feelings stop at the communication between parents. Mo Yifan himself has a resistance to the blind date, do not want to further contact. The third paragraph of the blind date is a young preschool teacher, both families are more satisfied with each other's situation, but after contact for a period of time, due to a variety of reasons or nothing.
Interview with Mo Yifan
"We have also saved some money for him. He has two family houses. He has an income now, as well as a retirement pension, and he is covered by social security. I have also bought insurance for him," Mo Yifan's mother said helplessly. "However, regarding the matter of marriage, it's not something that will happen just because I want it to. I don't think about it too much now. Since the child isn't good enough in some aspects, it's useless to think about it. We can only let nature take its course!" With the passage of time and the increase of his age, the Mo Yifan's family doesn't mention their longing for Mo Yifan to get married and have children too often. Instead, this longing has become a silent hope deep in their hearts.
Yifan Mo 's mother chatted with him at home and helped Yifan tidy his hair.
Taken on February 2025. PHOTO/ Pinpin Shen
Individuals with mild intellectual disabilities, such as Mo Yifan, often face numerous challenges when seeking romance and marriage. Research indicates that intellectual disabilities fall under the category of mental disabilities, and the marriage rate for non-mentally disabled individuals is higher than that for those with mental disabilities. Furthermore, the higher the disability rate before marriage, the lower the likelihood of marriage. In other words, within the disabled community, intellectual disabilities are generally less socially accepted.
Marital Status of People with Intellectual and Non-Intellectual Disabilities
in a Sample Community of City F
Marital Status of Intellectual and Non-Intellectual Disabled People in a Sample Community of City F (Excluding Those Disabled After Marriage)
Data Source: Sample Data from the 2022 Summer Research Team of South China University of Technology
Note:
The research team studied 88 disabled people in three communities in F City, excluding men under the age of 25 and women under the age of 23, and then analyzed the marriage situation of 82 disabled people.
In this article, the "marriage rate" is calculated as (number of married individuals + number of widowed individuals) / total population.
The current marriage status of people with mild intellectual disabilities is:
1、The marriage rate is generally low. People with mild intellectual disabilities, especially men, are often at a disadvantage in the marriage market, and it is difficult to find a suitable spouse. In contrast, women with mild intellectual disability have relatively high marriage rates but uneven marriage quality.
2、Marriage autonomy is limited. The marriage choice of people with mild intellectual disabilities is mostly determined by the family, and the individual choice is limited. In rural areas, marriages in women with intellectual disabilities are often arranged by their parents, and their spouses are mostly men with poor economic conditions or their own defects. This "matching" marriage model, although solving the problem of care to some extent, ignores the personal wishes of people with intellectual disabilities.
3、Poor marital stability. People with mild intellectual disabilities have poor marriage stability and a higher divorce rate. Due to the social prejudice and discrimination against people with intellectual disabilities, as well as the lack of communication, financial support and self-care ability of the couples, the marriage relationship is prone to cracks.
A group photo of Yifan Mo and his teachers and classmates after work.Taken on January 2025.Hangzhou
PHOTO/ Pinpin Shen
The whole social environment is not comprehensive understanding of people with mild intellectual disabilities. There will be social prejudice and discrimination. Social stereotypes and prejudices towards the mentally handicapped are one of the main barriers to their mate choice. Many people believe that people with intellectual disabilities cannot take responsibility in marriage, and even worry that their offspring will inherit intellectual disabilities. This bias causes people with intellectual disabilities to be marginalized in the matchmaking market.
In addition, the disabled people with mild intelligence have obvious disadvantages in terms of economic income and self-care ability. Most people with intellectual disabilities have difficulty obtaining access to stable jobs, weak economic foundation, and struggle to meet the basic needs of married life. And their lack of ability to take care of themselves also increases the difficulty of marriage life.
The lack of sex education is also a common problem for people with mild intellectual disabilities. As a result, they face many problems in their marriage, such as insufficient contraceptive knowledge, sexual health problems and the protection of reproductive rights. This lack of education not only affects the quality of their marriage, but may also lead to unintended pregnancies and reproductive health problems.
At present, there are ambiguity in the legal identification of the marital ability of people with mild intellectual disabilities, which leads to difficulties in the legal procedures such as marriage registration and divorce. In addition, the social support system is not perfect, and the lack of marriage counseling and family support services specifically for people with intellectual disabilities, is also an urgent aspect to be improved.
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Yifan Mo and his close female classmate (mildly autistic) were chatting about the content of today's acting class.
Taken on January 2025.PHOTO/ Pinpin Shen.
In fact, international rules in the 1990s have expressed the need for governments to pay attention to the marital status of persons with disabilities. The United Nations Standard Rules on the Equalization of Opportunities for Persons with Disabilities, adopted in 1993, state: "States should take measures to change the negative attitudes still prevailing in society towards the marriage, sex life and parenthood of persons with disabilities, especially girls and women with disabilities."
Although the marriage and love situation of people with disabilities has been frequently mentioned, truly effective measures and social security systems have not made significant progress. Mo Yifan, living in a metropolis like Hangzhou, Zhejiang, has conditions that are superior to those in other regions, whether in terms of personal circumstances, family background, or welfare benefits. However, on the path to pursuing emotional relationships, he still faces numerous difficulties. Therefore, for people with disabilities, especially those with intellectual disabilities, the predicament of marriage and love is like an invisible high wall, standing before them and within their psyche.
Article references：
1、《Peer Educators in the Facilitation of Sexuality and Respectful Relationship Education for People with an Intellectual Disability: A Scoping Review and Narrative Synthesis》
https://m.x-mol.com/paper/1544740664826236928/t
2、《Observation of disabled love and marriage problems: out of a dilemma of self-limitation》
https://m.sohu.com/a/743827988_121123816/?pvid=000115_3w_a
3、《The marriage difficulties of women with mental difficulties》
https://view.inews.qq.com/k/20210720A04WHY00?web_channel=wap&openApp=false
4、《Study on the Marital Status and Influencing Factors of Adult Disabled Population in China》
5、《"Disability Marriage: A Hierarchy of Contempt?"》